If you’ve looked around this site, there is a good possibility that you are looking to make a change in your life.  A change for the better.

Many people want to improve their lives but never do.  What’s stopping them?  In the world of psychology they call it “learned helplessness” – where people get so down on themselves that they don’t believe they can do anything to make things better.  But that’s just it: in order to achieve long-term change you need to believe that you can do it.

So how do you get there from here?

If you don’t have that belief now but you want it, there’s something called “fake it till you make it”.  What the heck does that mean?  It means your actions can influence your beliefs.  If you take small steps today to improve your life, there is a momentum shift.  You feel things getting better.  Grab hold of that momentum and keep it going.  That belief will come.

So when do you start?  Right now.  What can you do this moment?

Give it a minute, maybe more. Be patient with yourself.

You’ll come up with something.  I’m sure of it.

A lot of times we struggle to move forward in any aspect after divorce: exercise, hanging with friends, taking care of ourselves.

A big part of the stuckness is due to energy drained in things that you just need to let go of: anger, resentment, etc.

But we don’t often know “how” to go about letting go.

Here’s one way to do it.

1. Name your (or one of your) stuckies. E.g. Angry at her for lying.

2. Do not try to lock it out, shut it out or ignore it. Instead, feel it in you, in your body, really listen to it.

3. Be with it for a while, no judging, shutting,etc … just feel it.

4. Give it time, and it will soften.

5. Start to give it care and warmth like holding a crying baby.

6. Just be with it. When it’s calm. Let it fall sleep.

Often times we try to close the door on the crying baby and it screams louder and never ceases. A hug, some tlc is all it needs – and could be all you need to give you space and energy to start moving forward.